Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Stuck between a wedge and a muffintop

I was spending some quality time in the office this weekend.  

Well I had to get my monitors installed.  Not for work.  So I can play the shoe sites against each other while I am shopping.  I like to save money while I add to my shoe collection.  Shhh.

Today is Muffintopmommy's birthday.  She turned 27.  

Again.  

I think this is like the fifth or sixth time.  I can't keep track.  Hell, I can't keep track of how many times I turned 27, so no way am I trying to keep up with hers.  That is too exhausting.  Kind of like when you want to stuff your fat butt into a pair of too tight jeans and have to use a clothes hanger to pull the zipper up.  E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G.  You know who you are.  And yes we've all done it. 

Well since today is her birthday and we are going to out to celebrate tonight.  No, not me and Muffy, me and the Captain.  In all actuality I have never met Janet AKA muffintopmommy.  Although she did come to Pensacola one time not too long ago.  She even had the nerve-the nerve I tell you-to ask me for directions to Destin, never once inviting me for a drink or anything.  

Bitch.

I couldn't have went even if she asked.  I was doing something that weekend. 

No, I can't remember what it was now.  But I am sure I was really busy.  

What were we talking about?

Oh, yes.  So this weekend in honor of my friend turning 27. 

Again.

I went shoe shopping.  Well, DSW did send me a coupon and I had like another $15.00 in free money to use on their site.  What's a girl to do.  Me?  I bought shoes.  (Aren't they fabulous?) Plus I got a great free tote out of the deal.  

So here's to you Muffy-wherever you are-and just know; tonight I will be strutting my stuff in my new shoes as we head out for dinner and drinks in your honor.  Okay, I may tell the Captain that tonight is your birthday or, I may not.  If I was a couple of years younger, and by that I mean 21, I would beer bong a couple just for you.  Since that is a big no-can-do my little muffintop friend, I feel like I am going to drown, how's about I just promise to lift a can in your honor?

Happy Birthday!

PS:  I did buy more than one pair of shoes.  I. Just. Couldn't. Help. Myself.

6 comments:

Linda G. said...

Happy Birthday, Muffintop! May 27 be as nice this year as it has been in the past. ;)

Jessica Lemmon said...

HAHAHAHA! You cracked me up over and over again, Kelly! And, yes, happy 27th b-day, Muffintop! I recently turned 29. Again.

Smithtown High School East said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeannie Moon said...

Okay, that's better...the right identity.

You are the bestest friend buying shoes for yourself in honor of Muffy! (And they are adorable!)

Now, word on the street is that MTM is planning a great shoe heist sometime in the future. She just can't get enough of those babe-a-licious wedges and is fixing to commandeer a DSW shipment.

You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

Hmmm?

July 27, 2011 2:47 PM

muffintopmommy said...

You? Are? Crazycakes! But I love it. And I thank you for a post in honor of shoes and meeee!! My fam would say even though we've not met, you clearly have my ###!

Now regarding this bitch thing...See, I would have called you when I was in your hometown, but:

A. I was afraid the Captain would shank my ass and dump me at sea for being a bad shoe influence on you, and thus, his Amex. And then? My beautiful boys would be motherless. And I know YOU don't want to come up here to the -17 and take care of them while they watch you pee and interrupt every phone convo you attempt to have!

B. I am pretty sure my snarky (yet lovely!) Northeast friends would tease me mercilessly for having an online aka "imaginary" friend, and convince me you were instead of a cute, smiley, beer drinkin', fun lovin' gal, a 300 lb, toothless, smelly degenerate, man! (With wifi though!)

C. DUmbass Delta temporarily lost my bag and in doing so, extended my stay in Pensacola from 5 minutes to 2 hours. Had I known I'd be around a whole two hours enjoying two for one beers at a random Pensacola Chili's near the port with lovely big haired Aqua Net lovin', Dolly Partonesque ladies, I would have taken my chances with the Captain and the snarklets and had you meet up with us!
ARGH!
But for now, we're united in wedges and sarcasm, and that my friend, is treasured by moi!

abby mumford said...

i'm a day late and a dollar short, but that doesn't lessen my enthusiasm for (a) MTM's birthday!! and (b) those adorable shoes.

i think you're onto something, kelly, in that on our friends' birthdays, we treat ourselves as well!