Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Teaser Tuesday: One of my first pieces

Another Teaser Tuesday and this comes from one of my very first stories.  Written way back in the day.  I know it needs work, but I have to say that reading these older works has given me a real perspective on how far I have come as a writer.  It is raw and my writing was really all over the place but the basic structure is there and I feel pretty good about that. 

Melissa Brandt was following her dad in her car and running on fumes.  She kept trying to get his attention to let him know she needed to stop but he wasn’t paying attention.  “Oh well,” she thought he would back track when he realized she was no longer behind him.  After the events of this past year he didn’t like keeping her out his site for too long.

She noticed a gas station on the right and slowed for the turn.  Getting out of her Volkswagen she stretched, working the kinks out of her back.  Damn, that felt good.  Turning she leaned in and retrieved her bag from behind her seat to get her gas card. 

Shane Warren stood behind the counter of the Stop and Go, captivated by the girl who had just jumped out of the blindingly bright green Volkswagon bug with some kind of hand painted emblem on the front.  He watched as she stretched and then helped herself at the pump.  Suddenly she was bending over, giving him a great shot of her behind. 

He stood behind the counter hoping that she had a reason to come in. 

Melissa grabbed the water bottle in her center console and noticed she was out.  Oh, yeah that had happened about forty miles back.  Looking up at the store she made a split decision to run in for a water. 

She made the beverage section and was in front of the register in record time.  Digging through her bag looking for her wallet she didn’t quite notice him at first.  But once she looked up at the cashier she totally lost her train of thought.  “They grow them pretty hot in North Carolina” was all she could think.  Thick chestnut hair cut and styled in the latest fashion.  He had glass green eyes that showcased a high forehead.  His top lip was on the thin side but his bottom lip more than made up for it.  Plus he had the cutest dimple in his wide angular chin.

The cutie behind the counter smiled a full out smile at her and she felt her breath getting backed up in her throat.   “$.57 please.”

She was really glad she still had her sunglasses on and he couldn’t see her eyes.  Regardless she smiled  big right back and slapped her dollar on the counter.  Grabbing the water she turned and was at the door before he called “Don’t you want your change?”  The voice was deep and totally worth the sixty three cents she was leaving behind.  Smiling over her shoulder she said in her decidedly Texas twang, “Keep the change sugar.  The smile was worth it.”

Shane laughed out loud and paid close attention to which way she turned when she left the parking lot.   She was headed toward town, not away.  Maybe she was just visiting or maybe she was moving in.  He would wait and see.  Not to hard to miss a bright green Volkswagen with-what was that-a yellow and pink peace symbol on the front?

She was still laughing about the “cutie behind the counter” when she saw her Dad heading back her way.  Honking to let him know where she was she pulled over and waited for him to get in front before she moved up behind him and headed toward the new life she was about to embark on.  

Bring it on she thought happily.

Just so you know...I am finding it easier and easier to open myself up with these tidbits.  This story was really bad and I salvaged the best part of it, but I find that I don't mind sharing so much anymore.


Candyland said...

See! You just had to get your feet wet! I'm so proud of you!!!!

Linda G. said...

You're doing great! Keep 'em coming. :)

Karla Nellenbach said...

In the immortal words of Ricky Bobby: "Thank you baby jesus" Seriously, Blogger ate like 64 of my comments so youre lucky im tenacious enough to keep trying :)

I love those moments of first encounter in love stories, and your MC is so snarky. I'm glad that although this story didn't cut it, you found some good parts to rescue

A. S. Boudreau said...

love your tidbits. Would like to see more! :) if you ever want a beta reader..hint hint lol

Kelly Breakey said...

Thanks for the positive feedback. Again this was an older one, but I am learning so much going back through these.