I spent pretty much all of last week being scared.
I was scheduled to go in for a procedure at the hospital on Monday. The procedure itself was pretty standard, but I was going to be anesthetized, and this scared the bejeesus out of me.
When I was thirteen I got hit by a car and broke my leg in three places. The aftermath of the accident became all jumbled and blurred. Due mostly I believe, because I was in shock. Now shock, that is a great state of being. I felt no pain. I wasn't anxious. I remember being pretty calm for a kid who had a balloon cast wrapped around her leg. The sounds from the ambulance were soothing. That's right I said soothing. Have you ever heard an ambulance? They are a lot louder when your inside of them. But for whatever reason, on that day, it was soothing.
Probably because I equated it with being safe. I don't know.
I did a lot of reading on the procedure I was scheduled to have on Monday (thank god for the Internet) and by the time Monday rolled around I wasn't nervous about that part. I have been seeing this doctor for about twelve years and I keep up on her credentials yearly, but the Anesthesiologist was a total mystery to me. The hospital could not tell me who would be working my case as they are staffed by an anesthesia group. Yes, I did call the group. All they could tell me was they had ten people scheduled to work the OR's that day. Ten.