Monday, January 17, 2011

What's love got to do with it?

Does your significant other read what you write?

Is it a big deal if he/she does or does not?

The reason I ask is because after a discussion this weekend I learned that a friend of mine, who also spends her free time writing, has a husband who is not interested in reading her work and this is a big bone of contention between them.  It really bothers her that he won't read her stuff.  When she asked me if the Captain reads my work, and I replied no, she wanted to know if it bothered me.

I didn't even have to think about it.  No, it doesn't.  He is supportive in every other way.  He makes sure my computer works so I have the tools that I need to write.  He ensures that my internet connection is up and running.  When my wireless mouse stopped working I didn't have to ask him twice to go to the store and get me another one.  He will pretty much do anything I ask of him.  

As I have said before, I am a lucky girl.  I have a great husband and if there was any research that needs to done he would be more than happy to help me with it.  He will regularly inquire to my need to research different positions (what a guy).  He is always willing to lend a helping hand or whatever other body part I may have need of.  (His words, not mine.)

But reading is not his thing.  He has struggled with dyslexia since he was a child.  Knowing this, it has never occurred to me to ask him to spend his time doing something I know he struggles with.  And to be honest, even if he didn't have dyslexia I don't know if I would stress about it.

We support each other in our own special styles.  Here is another example.  My hubs is a master gamer.  He plays as often as he can and is pretty awesome at it.  My love of computers stops at the shore of the internet.  I have never had a desire to play computer games and I don't think that will ever change.  And no, it doesn't bother him.  I support his habit by making sure the cable bill is paid on time so he doesn't lose his connection to his clan. 

One of the things I have learned over our many years of marriage is that support comes in different ways.  So as I listened to my friend malign her hubs for his inadequacy of his support, even though he does support, just not in the way in which she would hope, it made me wonder what everyone else thinks.  Do you have similar situation?  Tell me.




6 comments:

Linda G. said...

TG doesn't, as a rule, read my fiction. The kind of stuff I write isn't really his thing, and frankly I'd probably find it inhibiting to have him reading over my shoulder.

He has read some of my short stories -- ones I thought he might enjoy, and he did. He reads my blog all the time, and loves it, but I wouldn't take it personally if he didn't. It's okay not to be joined at the hip when you're married. :)

Candyland said...

My husband has no idea what I write about. He just knows I write, and sometimes blog about him and a mysterious bassist.

Jeannie Moon said...

My husband does read my work, and he provides good feedback, especially when I'm building a male character.

Initially he didn't want to read (he's not a reader) because he didn't think he could tell me anything. Once he realized he had an opinion and that I valued it, that changed.

For you, your hubs reading isn't a big deal, but for others it is. It was for me and once my guy realized that his opinion mattered to me, he took one for the team and read some romance. Because of that, his respect for what I do while I'm tethered to my computer only deepend.

We aren't joined at the hip. He has his things, I have mine, (and the writing is mine) but sharing it with him from time to time is important to me.

Jeffe Kennedy said...

David doesn't read my work - either fiction or nonfiction - and I don't mind. He's heard my work at readings, but what I write isn't his bag. I have great crit partners and the best life partner in the world. I wouldn't change a thing.

Jamie D. said...

My husband is a reader - I turned him into one when we started dating. :-) But he's not interested in reading my work, mainly because he knows if he doesn't like my style, or my plots or whatever, it could easily lead to hurt feelings or at the very least it could shake my confidence. We have a very good, stable marriage, and I respect his fears about that...he shouldn't be forced into that sort of situation, IMO. It's like asking if these pants make my butt look big - it's a loaded situation.

He's perfectly willing to talk through plot points with me and research for me, and he's very supportive of my working hard to make my writing a career. Really, that's all I ever could or would ask for...I have plenty of other people reading my work that can (and will) share their honest opinions (none of them family).

abby mumford said...

i don't have a significant other at the moment, so i can't answer your question directly. i can say though that i have a really hard time letting family members read my work because the perfectionist in me rears its head. i don't want them to read something that's not perfect and well, rarely do i ever think what i write is perfect...

i need to work on being better at sharing. it will make me a better writer, i know that.