Meet Gracie Lou

Lately I have been a little morose due to the loss of our beloved cat, Rocky.

But I have a bunch of reasons to be happy and not sad. 

And here is one of them.  She makes me smile every single day!  As you can see she is not quiet at all.  She loves to talk to me.

So say hello to Gracie Lou.

Do you Diary?

Do you diary?

In all of my life I have never felt compelled to write about my day.  Which is odd to me.  After all of this time I wonder why that is.  I mean I can wax poetic about storms, or even about great books that I've read.  Yet, in all that time I've never felt the need to turn my musings inward and examine myself that way.  All that changed in the beginning of September when I decided that for a year I'm going to journal.  So far, so good.  Yeah, I know it's only been a month but it's not as hard to keep up as I had originally thought. 

Something to be happy about.

It's definitely not as hard as blogging everyday because I don't have to be politically correct when I look inward.  If the Captain's been a little less than his stellar self, I can be honest there.  After all it's for no one's eyes but my own. 

The biggest thing that I realized is that journaling is very cathartic.  And it has really helped me work through some trying times.  As I said before, September has been a sad month for us here.  But, last night the Captain pointed out that even though its been hard, my rallying skills are getting better.  I can only contribute that to being able to let it all out between the pages. 

Each evening I take twenty minutes to clear my thoughts before I put pen to paper or in this case fingers to keyboard.  Plus, I've given myself permission to write whatever I want while including pictures, stickers and other fun things that gives it a decided kellified look. 

So what's next you ask?  I think I need a theme song.

Welcome to Paradise

I want to take another cruise.  Mainly because we had so much fun the first time we went.  But this past weekend as I was confined to the kindle, I discovered a place that I really want to visit.

Because I like to be completely honest, when I don't feel well I normally reach for a re-read.  I always go for something that I have previously read and loved because when I don't feel good I don't want to have to think about what I'm reading.  Go ahead, read that again, I promise it does make sense.

So one of the books I have read over and over again takes place on an island in the Caribbean called St. Barts.  Honestly, I always thought it was a made up island.  Sadly, geography must leave me the older I get because I swear when I was a kid I was good at it. 

This weekend, after reading the book, AGAIN, I decided to look this place up.  And to my forever amazement, it exists. 

So of course the next step was for me to see if I could find an all inclusive or a cruise line that visits here. 

I was successful.

So now I want to plan another trip.  I think I could get the Captain on board if we hadn't already been talking about taking an all inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic this spring.  The difference in the cost is significant, but in all fairness the trip to the Dominican is flying to one destination and that's it.  The cruise, as you can see by the picture I have attached, would give us the ability to visit six ports. 

SIX!

I haven't figured out how I am going to get him on board yet, but I am working on it.  After all, I'm not getting any younger and I want to see new places every time we leave home.  To me, what is the point of seeing the same places over and over?  I need to get my travel on.  And,  I am  not getting any younger.

Have you ever been inspired to visit somewhere based on a read?

Back In the Saddle Again

The month of September has been a trying month.  We dealt with some personal loss and then last week on top of that I got a nasty sinus infection.  But great news came my way on Friday (thanks Patty!) and I got to spend the weekend in bed with the hubs.  See, silver lining.

So I'm officially back. (Applause.  Applause.  Applause.)  Really, the applause isn't necessary.  Yes, I know you missed me.  I missed you too.  No, I did.  Really.

I don't have anything to offer up today in the way of entertainment, but I will be back in full swing tomorrow.

In the meantime, tell me what new shows you are loving?  

Growing Up is Hard to Watch

Yesterday, I had one of those crap moments.  You know the one...

"Damn, I'm old"

Yesterday one of my favorite people had a birthday.  And for the entire day I told myself he turned 19.  I was wrong.  He turned 20.  He is also currently serving in the Unites States Air Force.

Now to put this into perspective for you I have know Bubba since the beginning.  And yes he hates that nickname.  But for me he will always be our Bubba.

I met his folks when we were stationed in Alaska.  His mother and I are were very close.  Still are.  Our friendship has seen us through some ups and downs.  But he was a light for me and the Captain.

Where we were stationed at there was only one fast food restaurant.  A Mickey D's.  He loved it.  I could get him all riled up by just popping in and asking if he wanted to go.  He would laugh, he had the best laugh.  And he would run around the living room for me to catch him in order to get him into his layers so we could go outside.  After all it was Alaska.

The Captain had a brand new black Jeep Comanche and Bubba loved that truck.  It was the only one like it on the Island so whenever he saw it he knew we were close.  He also loved "driving" it.  So we would get into the truck and he would climb on my lap and "drive" us to the restaurant.  He would giggle every time "he" put the truck into gear. 

This has been one of my most cherished memories. 

And as I learned yesterday, one of his.

Totally made my day!

Hope you had the time of your life

Picture was taken 091611

Today's going to be a quiet day for me.

Well, the whole weekend really was.

Saturday was the day we said good bye to Rocky.  Even now as I write this I can feel the emotions rising to the surface.  My throat is getting thicker and my sadness is pushing at the back of my eyes in an effort to get out.

It has been a sad weekend here in the Breakey house. 

My only consolation is he is no longer in any pain and he I am positive my Gram was waiting for him. 

Goodbye sweet Rocky, I'm already miss you so much.

TGIF: Things that make me go hmmmmmm

Self Portrait Celebrating Friday

It's Friday and I am rejoicing.  I swear, at least on the inside.  I know you are looking at the self portrait I have attached and thinking to yourself: "Girl, you need to get out more."  Or less, depending on your perspective.  I think I went a little heavy on the eyeliner. 

Just so you know I have been waiting for this day to get here all week. 

Sometimes on Friday I find myself wondering why the world is the way it is.  Go figure.

For example, why does Friday always, and I mean ALWAYS come after Thursday?  Because I don't know if you've noticed this, sometimes Thursday resembles the date from hell.  Usually a blind one at that.  He takes his own sweet time showing up.  What's that all about?  And once he arrives, he settles in like he's planning on spending the night.  I don't think so.  By the time you do get rid of this guy, you're so stressed out you can't even enjoy Friday.  Well, at least not until 5:00. 

These are things I wonder about.

I don't know why we can't get the days of the week to mix themselves up.  You know, one week it could go Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  And the next week maybe Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  It would definitely keep me on my toes. 

I wonder if I should write my Congressmen about this?

Something to think about.

If you'r not here in 15 minutes, you can find a new best friend.

Last night after everything finally quieted down and I was all done with my awesome massage (Thank you Tommy!) I decided I was in the mood to be carried away and since there is not a grain of Calgon in this house I decided to use movies as my escape.

They are really good for this.  And really good for me.  Especially when you pick movies from your childhood.  The ones that take you back to a time and place that you remember with sweet nostalgia.  By the way if I ever invent a perfume that is what I am going to call it.  Sweet Nostalgia.  Hello, Sweet Honesty has already been spoken for. 

So last night, after my exhausting day was finally over, I snuggled up with the Captain and we zipped back to the 80's through a few of our favorite flicks.  By the time we had worked through two of them we were both mellow and relaxed.  It was just the kind of evening everyone needs to reset their clocks.  We each selected one of our favs and laughed ourselves silly.  Something that has been sorely lacking in our house this week. 

As you can tell by the photos I uploaded we settled on Caddyshack and Ferris Bueller's Day Off.   If it had been up to you and yours to select for us, which two movies would we have been watching?  Enquiring minds want to know!

Do you do it?

As most of you know I attended a funeral yesterday.

The service was tailor made for my friend. 

Two of her favorite singers performed two of her favorite songs.  To say the singing was angelic is not testament to the fact I was in a place of worship.  This gal's voice soared and would give Celine Dion a run for her money.  Okay, Celine isn't really a good example, but you get my point.

The pastor quoted scripture directly from my friends personal bible.  Passages that she herself had underlined and dated, frozen in that specific moment in time.  I found it lovely how she had just as many sticky notes, notes in the margins and pieces of paper jammed between the pages of her bible.    You can take the educator out of the classroom but you can't take the educator out of the educator.

Afterward as we made our way home and the sun was shining through the clouds drying the tears that had somehow leaked during the service, I found myself thinking of all of the good works she had been know to do and the turn out of people she had at her visitation and funeral service.  I'd seen fewer people at rock concerts.

Well, it made me question why I had stopped my service of volunteerism.  When I was in the Navy I had been very involved with the Red Cross chapters at the bases where I was stationed.  I was certified to teach CPR and conducted this class once a month.

I also volunteered for a navy program called Saturday Scholars.  We went to the schools on base and worked with kids who were having difficulty in subjects as tutors.  It was a fun and rewarding experience.  Working in conjunction with the teachers to get these students excited about school.

I think I want to get back to that.  Find something I can be passionate about now and dedicate some time to it.  I have been revisiting going back to the Red Cross and even volunteering as a Guardian At Lit.  I am doing some research right now to see what would be the best fit for me and my time.  I don't have a lot of it, but I would like to make the most of what I do have.

Any suggestions?

A kangaroo walked into a bar...

I have decided to take a walkabout. 

For those who don't know what that is let me explain.  A walkabout refers to a rite of passage in which you undergo a journey where you live in the wilderness  while communing with nature and getting in touch with your spiritual side.  (I may or may not have just adjusted this definition to suit my own needs today.)

Now, I know what you are thinking.

What you talkin' bout?  (I just heard that in Gary Coleman's voice too.)

Seems I need to spend some time communing with nature and getting in touch with said spiritual side. 

Again.

So, in the true tradition of my people.  No wait, that's the Aborigine and I'm Irish.  If I was following in the true path of my ancestors it would include a couple of pints of Guinness and no walk in the woods.  Well, I guess they could have had a walkabout in the woods after they consumed too many pints.  Hey, I might be on to something here. 

I can just go to the Irish pub here.  Have a couple of pints, wonder around for awhile and hope that divine inspiration will strike.  Wait!  It just did. 

There are no bathrooms in the wilderness.  Okay, that settles that.  I will just stick to the pub and the pints.  That's right, pints.  Plural.  I guess if I take the long way back and forth to the ladies room that could kind of count as a walkabout?  Right? Maybe?

Hey, it's my spiritual journey.

Today Angels Walk Among Us

You know I really like it when days start out all bright and shiny and Saturday was a great example of that. 

As the morning lent itself to afternoon we learned news that saddened us greatly.

On Friday afternoon a friend passed away.  She was 53 years old and after less than a year from diagnosis, lost her battle with cancer. 

Karen Farr was married to my co-worker and good friend, Houston Farr, Jr. for almost 33 years.  They were a lovely couple to witness.  Still very much in love and enjoying their lives, the kind of couple you strive to be after that many years together.  Still able to find enjoyment and so obvious in their delight with each other.

Karen was a teacher and influenced many lives.  She worked for the same school system for 31 years and passed her love of education to her two children who are both college graduates.  Something she took great pride in.

She was a bright light that extinguished far before she should have and is remembered and survived by her loving family.  Her husband Houston; her children, Allen and Kristen and their spouses Ashley and Trey.  Her brothers and sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles. 

Sadly, she will be laid to rest tomorrow afternoon.  There is no way for me to convey to my friend how my heart hurts for him and his children today.  Nothing I can do to alleviate the sadness that will permeate the very fabric of their spirits in her absence.  It is my hope that they find some comfort in knowing she was surely granted her wings upon her entrance into heaven. 

It was my privilege to know her. Rest in peace Karen, rest in peace.

Always Remember

Can you believe Sunday marks the tenth anniversary of 9/11?

Me either. 

Recently I took part in a discussion where a friend mentioned she hated that they referred to it as an anniversary.  In her opinion this was the wrong word.  An anniversary is something you want to remember.  Something to celebrate.  Something to find joy in.

I don't know.

I didn't have an answer for her at that moment.  In retrospect I guess my silence was my answer.


The morning of September 11, 2001 I had a dental appointment and got to work late.  When I arrived at the office the first tower had just been hit.  I heard it on my car radio as I pulled into the parking lot.  I remember thinking it must have been a joke.  The guys on this particular radio station liked to pull practical jokes and while it wasn't in good taste, I still assumed that's all it was.

It wasn't.

I remember going in and the silence that greeted me.  Everyone had gathered around the desk of one of the girls in the back because she was a news junkie and had it steaming to her computer when the announcement was first made.

My boss had not arrived yet that morning.  He was scheduled for an outpatient procedure and when I got  his wife on the phone she insisted we close the office and come to their home to watch the TV coverage. 

I can remember the quiet of her house as we all sat around the TV and witnessed the first and then the second tower collapse.  The gross magnitude of what we were bearing witness to was not truly comprehensible to any of us.

Around two that afternoon I finally decided to head home.  No business had been conducted that day.  In fact I think it is safe to say no work was done that day across the world.  All I wanted to do was go home and hug my husband. 

I remember getting home and waking up the Captain.  He had been working nights and hadn't gotten to bed until about 7:00 that morning.  Luckily we had turned off his cell phone and unplugged the house phone so he wouldn't be disturbed.  When he heard the news he was dumbfounded.  We parked ourselves in front of the TV and watched the coverage into the wee hours of the morning praying that survivors would be found.  Praying for the families of the lost.  Praying for peace.

Of course we stayed close to each other because we needed to ensure the other was safe and sound.  Tragedy has a way of making you realize what you have and appreciating it a little more.  As we snuggled together in bed that night I remember him whispering to me, "I went to sleep this morning and all was right in the world, when I woke there was only terror and I didn't even know it until I turned on the TV."

September 11 of this year marks the 10th anniversary of that horrific day.  It falls on a Sunday.  I find a little bit of peace in that.  I think that's the Catholic in me.  We plan to spend the morning on the water communing with the fish.  There is peace in that for us.  Remembering, talking and getting a little lost in thought.  I  hope everyone takes a moment to reflect and remember.

Wishing on my lucky charms

Did you hear the squealing coming from my part of the world yesterday?

Yes, it was loud.

That was me wussing out as I tried to give Rocky his fluids.  Remember, it involved needles?

I think it was hurting me way more than it was hurting him.  Finally he just gave up on me.  I think if he could have taken the needle in his own palm and stuck himself he would have done it.  That really would have worked for me.

So I get to try again today. 

I don't know if I have enough wine in the house for this.  I mean, for after.  Because believe me, I will need it.

I'm thinking we need to go to the vet and get another crash course in  how to do this.  The Captain missed the first one so he totally wouldn't do it.

Wish me luck.

I need a Calgon Moment.

It seems as if the only things I have been reading lately involve cats and grubs.  No the two are not connected.  Or at least I don't think they are.  Crap, now I have to go and look that up.

This weekend I'm hoping to find some me down time and spend it reading.  I have a bunch of stuff on my to TBR list but am feeling a little overwhelmed by it all.  I guess I need help.  Tell me what your reading and if its not on the depressing-as-hell side, maybe it will give me an idea where to start.

If all else fails I will do a re-read, but I'm hoping to find something new to get lost in.

Tomorrow starts my new scheduled with the little one that's sick.  I have to start giving him subcutaneous fluids.  This should be fun.  Did I mention it involves needles?  Did I mention I hate needles?  Well it does, and I do.  If you hear whimpering, don't worry, it's just me.  Sympathy is appreciated.  Hey, don't judge me.

When MIA doesn't mean Missing In Action

Hello Friends:

Yes it really is me.  I know, I know.  Where have I been?  Well, I have been dealing with a very sick little cat.  As you guys know; or maybe you didn't, Rocky was diagnosed with Feline CRF.  In layman's terms it means his kidney's are giving out. 

So I haven't really been missing in action so much as I have been on My Intermission Away.  (Applause sign lights up.)

I've had a very difficult time coming to terms with this and it has made my on-line presence seem unimportant as of late.  Or at least for the time being. 

Obviously we are trying to spend as much time with him as we can since we are sure his time is limited to days and not necessarily months now. 

I thought it would be easier this way.  The knowing that he is going to be leaving us soon, but I can honestly tell you that's just a big load of BS.  The knowing has not helped. Or at least it hasn't helped me.  I think it would almost be better if we had just woken up one morning, noticed something was amiss and taken him to the vet only to find out that he was already in the final stage. 

But no, I have to be a conscientious pet owner and take my cats in regularly.  Of course we diagnosed it early.  Unfortunately, we can't cure it.  He will die of this disease and there is nothing I can do.

Frustration anyone?

I will try to pop in from time to time and maybe even make an appearance on twitter.  I know ALERT my twitterati.  They will be so thrilled. 

"Dammit, this is me smiling."  Rocky after a long photo shoot.

And if you pray, say one for Rocky.